As I Take My Last Breath
by hope2x
Summary: "Hold me now cause the time I've got's running out. No tears allowed even though we've become without. I just wanna feel your head lying on my chest, So hold me now as I take my last breath" Sum 41


**Wrote this after listening to Crash by Sum 41 and Permanent by David Cook**

* * *

_As I take my last breath_

What an ironic statement, Emma's mind sneered. She kept thinking about Ruby's words as she walked back towards the station.

"_Come on Emma, you need to find your true love. Who you want beside you for the rest of time. Who you want to be with you as you live. Who you want there until you die. To hold you as you take your last breath."_

Emma couldn't take it any longer. The way Ruby and Belle talked so animatedly and longingly about their true loves. It would have only moderately bothered her on any other day. But then this day was different.

She had her hands thrust deep within her pockets, chin down and lost in thought. She had completely forgotten her food but to be honest, she had lost her appetite. It may have been the first time ever but then again, this day was different.

Her mind stayed on the conversation at the diner much to her chagrin. It was not the first time this subject had arisen but today it had an added bite. The irony of Ruby's timing in bringing up the matter of Emma's future was at the forefront of her mind.

Oh how cruel it would be now? To find someone at this point in her life. Especially after today. A nasty twist of the knife that had just been impaled deeply in her back only this morning. A horrific new sensation that was manifesting both physically and emotionally. Emma reasoned that it had been only a manner of hours since receiving the news but then again, how could this situation possibly improve for her…ever?

Emma reached the station, still with her head down and stalked through. Upon reaching her office, she finally removed the envelope from her pocket. She glared at it momentarily, feeling the flood of emotions sweep through her and try as hard as they might to reach the surface. Emma though, was skilled in this aspect and fought them back down before they could break free.

Instead, she pulled her top drawer open and dropped the envelope inside. She placed her hand on the drawer and shoved it significantly harder than necessary, barely registering the ringing sound that emanated from the move. She glared down and felt those feelings rise again. When Emma felt the burning behind her eyes, she tried another tact to beat them down. She brought her knee up hard into the drawer again, slamming it harder and nearly denting the metal. She repeated the action one last time, not even registering an ounce of the physical pain in her leg. She brought her hands up and rubbed over her face.

"Is this a bad time?"

Emma snapped her head up at the sound. She hadn't noticed for a second that she wasn't alone and was startled to say the least. She moved her hands down to her now heaving chest, trying to calm her racing heart rate.

"Damn it Regina, you almost gave me a heart attack!" _Ha! Maybe that would be better... _Emma mused internally. She saw Regina eye the drawer by her hip before looking back at Emma's face.

"I apologize. I did address you as you entered but I'd say you were a bit preoccupied." She took a small step forward. She had called out and been slightly concerned to note the pale complexion to the Sheriff's face as well as the glassy look in her eyes.

"I…yeah. Sorry about that. Did you need something?" Emma tried to change the subject.

"Yes well I'm here to discuss Henry. I…I'd like to have him over." She hesitated slightly. This was still touchy but Regina was losing patience since they had returned home. At Emma's silence, Regina continued. "I wanted to give him time to adjust again since returning from Neverland but I…I was hoping we could move forward a bit…" Regina tapered off again. She absolutely hated not having Henry back and especially having to go through another to be with him but at this point, she would do anything.

Emma opened her mouth once but closed it again. She knew how sensitive this was with everyone. Her parents were pretty adamant about their position and Emma really was just trying to do what was right. She knew it was getting time to bring Regina back into the mix, although she hadn't planned on it happening now. Again though, this day was different.

Emma was still silent as she looked down at the closed drawer. Regina followed her line of sight and frowned. She was trying very hard to be patient, not wanting to snap at the Sheriff and hurt her chances at being with her son. She stood in silence as Emma's eyes finally found hers again.

"Okay." It was simple and to the point. Regina noted an odd undertone though.

"Okay?" She questioned, not quite believing after all the fighting, it had been so easy. She must have misheard.

"Yeah. I think it may be best if you both started moving forward. He wants to see you, we were talking about it earlier this week."

"He does?" Again, she thought she was mishearing.

"Yes. I can bring him over tonight if you want." Again there was an undertone the older woman noted but was not about to push her luck.

"Okay…I…thank you." Regina finally said, turning to leave.

"I only ever tried to do what's best for him you know?" Emma said softly as she slowly sat down.

By the door, Regina turned back to face her but Emma wasn't meeting her eyes. Instead, looking down at the closed drawer of her desk. Regina's curiosity was certainly peaked, especially with the hint of moisture prickling at Emma's eyes but again, she wasn't pushing her luck.

"I know." She responded just as softly. She was being honest and Emma didn't need to look up to know.

"I'll see you tonight."

"Tonight." Regina confirmed.

She had her own mixed emotions now. Part of her was elated. She thought there would be yet another all out war since every other effort to retrieve Henry is the past had failed. She had had a small amount of hope that after saving the town and surviving his rescue from Neverland, that she was earning her second chance. Now, it seemed she had.

But then again something was very off. The sheriff's behavior was never easily understood by the former queen but this day was different. Very different. While she had seen many emotions on Emma's face from their time together, this was new. There was something different about the look in her eyes. The fire that burned so intently there, nearly invisible today.

Defeated… That's what it was. The White Knight looked defeated. It was odd to say the absolute least. Maybe the less than responsible Sheriff had had a late night out with friends and was hung over now, or possibly gotten into it with a drunk overnight. Maybe it was simply no sleep.

None of that though really settled within the Mayor. Something wasn't right. Something was suspicious. Something was in that drawer. Whatever had been in that envelope held her answers. As much as Regina wanted them though, Henry was more important.

She couldn't risk her time with him. She had just received this gift and she would treasure it. Whatever emotional turmoil had finally given a beating to the Sheriff would have to wait for another day. Deciding there was no logical reason to care about her son's birth mother, Regina turned off all thoughts regarding the younger woman and drove straight to the grocery store. She had to prepare for her son's first night back home.

Emma was still set at her desk, unmoving and repressing rising emotions. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know how to feel. She hadn't been prepared to move things forward between Henry and Regina but now…things had changed.

The harsh reality was hovering over Emma's head and she knew there wasn't time to waste anymore. As much as the news had her wanting to take Henry and never let go until she had to, that wasn't the responsible thing to do. No, if she wanted to do what was best for her son and her family, some things would have to start changing beginning now. Step one would be reforming a relationship between her son and his other mother.

* * *

Swan Queen

* * *

Apparently step two was taking care of itself. Emma leaned in and accepted the enthusiastic hug from her mother. Something she had finally grown accustomed to after several months now. Mary Margaret no longer confused or questioning of the action, just excited her daughter was willing to show affection.

Ignoring the slight pang that shot through her when her parents revealed their news, Emma was happy for them. She really was. She knew they had wanted a baby for some time now and this would certainly make things easier in the long run. Easier for her parents that is.

"Congratulations." She said, moving to embrace her father.

"Thank you sweetheart. You know we love you just as much." He said jokingly, bumping her playfully.

"Yeah yeah, love you too Dad." They shared a smile. The titles awarded to her parents something else they had been surprised at when Emma started using them suddenly months ago.

"You sure you're okay?" Mary Margaret said, lifting a hand to her daughters cheek. "You look-"

"I'm just tired." Emma interrupted with the usual lie.

"Maybe you should go see Dr. Whale. You've been looking a little off for awhile now." Her father chimed in and Emma smiled.

"Yeah maybe. So are we celebrating?" She changed the subject and both parents perked up.

"Yes, we wanted to tell everyone else at the diner. Where's Henry?"

"He and Regina are horseback riding. I'll call her and have them meet us."

* * *

Emma was grateful the attention was on her parents. She only had a few people coming up to her asking how she was and for that, Emma was happy. Henry had noticed a slight change recently but his life was in such a good place now that peace had been found that he wasn't looking for the bad. He wasn't seeing what was in front of him the way he had when everyone else was so blinded.

Unfortunately not the same could be said about everyone. One in particular seemed to always spend a few extra seconds eyeing the blonde. Not usually commenting but always noticing. Emma figured she should be grateful it was this individual with the increased perception as opposed to another member of the family.

"Miss Swan?" Regina inclined her head as she approached and took a spot standing next to the Sheriff, eyes landing on their young boy, smiling in his joy.

"Regina." Emma greeted casually, trying not to notice the brunette's eyes glancing her way, taking in the thinning, younger woman.

"A little warm for so many layers don't you think?" She tried not to question Emma. What with the blonde being so willing to allow her and Henry to re-grow their relationship over the past few months. Pushing them into it in fact. The last couple of weeks though, some things began gnawing at the brunette and she couldn't help but mention something.

"It's getting cooler and I feel fine." Was Emma's reply, hoping no one else took note of the several layers of clothing she had been sporting recently.

"You're looking ill Miss Swan." She finally blurted, unsure what to make of Emma's behavior.

"I'm fine Regina." She repeated.

"I know you're hiding something." Regina narrowed her eyes and was less subtle this time as they roamed down the thinning form in front of her.

"Why don't you worry more about Henry than me?" Emma snapped back.

"I _am_ focusing on Henry. Which includes wondering about the woman he spends half his time with." Regina responded in a calmer tone.

"Well there's nothing to wonder about."

"Alright then if you're "fine" as you put it, Henry and I are going horseback riding again tomorrow, why don't you join? He would like it." It was the first time Regina had done the inviting for any family outing. She could see the blonde weighing the decision.

"…okay."

* * *

Swan Queen

* * *

Emma finished applying her makeup. It was a process taking a bit longer these days in order to keep anyone getting suspicious. She gave herself one last check before making her way down the steps. She moved a tad slower, keeping a stronger hold on the banister as she walked.

"Morning sweetheart." Mary Margaret said in her chipper tone, moving easily about despite her increasingly swollen stomach.

"Good morning Mom." She repeated their morning hug.

"You going to work?" She questioned, looking up and down Emma's layered clothing.

"No, Ruby is working today." Emma was happy step three had been so easy. With Ruby's inner Red taking her fears away, the young brunette had been more than happy to accept the role as another deputy. Luckily no one questioned the Sheriff's hiring decision.

"Right it's Saturday isn't it? You're doing your weekly horseback riding with Henry and Regina?"

"Yeah, not sure when we'll be back." She grabbed her jacket and started putting it on over her baggy sweatshirt.

"Are you feeling okay honey?" Mary Margaret asked. Emma had been getting better about moving steadily and keeping herself looking fresh but her mother noticed something was off. Luckily the brunette was moving into a house with her husband this weekend and Emma wouldn't have to try so hard all the time.

"Yup, I'm fine. I'll see you later." She smiled and made a quick exit.

* * *

"Emma!" Henry greeted just as she got out of the car at the stables, grabbing Emma in a crushing hug. Emma winced, but placed her arms around him. When she looked up, Regina's eyes were on her.

"Hey kid." Emma pulled back, smiling kindly. "How was your week?"

"Great! I aced my math test!" He grinned proudly and Emma matched it.

"Good job kid. Good thing you have a more academically intelligent mother to help you with all that." She joked but was serious. It was just one of the things Regina was better than Emma for and the blonde found herself grateful for that.

"Yeah." Henry smiled at them both, getting one from each of them in return. "Alright let's go!" Henry wasted no time mounting his horse, already ready and waiting for him.

Emma spotted her usual horse, Sophie, by Regina. Also, ready and waiting. Emma approached them and smiled gratefully.

"Thank you for getting her saddled." She said and Regina nodded.

"Not a problem Miss Swan." She stood back but not very far.

Emma placed her left hand on the horn, holding tightly. She reached towards the back of the seat with her right hand and placed her foot in the stirrup. She took a deep, steadying breath before she tried to shove herself up. She had known not to put all trust in her leg but was even a bit surprised herself when the appendage buckled and failed her completely. Before she could fall too far, two hands grasped her waist firmly.

"One more time." Regina spoke softly, right at Emma's ear. They both glanced up and were grateful Henry was already moving forward, not paying them any attention. "Ready?" She asked gently and when she saw Emma nod, she held tighter and pushed at the same moment the Sheriff lifted herself again. This time the move was successful and Regina was quick to grab Emma's other leg and help it over Sophie's back.

Once Emma was settled and the accompanying wave of dizziness passed, she looked down at Regina. She gave her a small nod with the hint of a smile. Regina returned the gesture and moved to her own horse behind. She moved quickly onto him and kept her position behind Emma.

It wasn't the first time this had happened. This, with the past few weeks of experiences had Regina wanting to keep an eye on Emma. Neither spoke about it. Nothing beyond the subtle nods and gentle helping hands. Emma could see the curiosity burning behind Regina's eyes but they didn't talk about it. Ever.

* * *

Swan Queen

* * *

She was hoping it wouldn't be a big deal. Since the new meds, some days were better than others and today just so happened to be a bad one. She was too exhausted to go horseback riding. Even with the new routine of waiting until Henry was on his way before the mothers stepped out of sight, allowing some privacy so Regina could help Emma up without notice. She still just wasn't up for it today.

She felt terrible about it though. She had found herself wanting to spend as much time with Henry as possible. Especially as the past few months had gone by and Emma could feel herself weakening further. And then there was Regina.

They didn't talk about _it_. Any of it. What was happening to Emma or what was happening between them. They never did. But Regina obviously understood at least most of what was happening. There was something about having the woman there that brought comfort to her. Someone that at least had an idea of what was going on even if they really did never talk about it.

Emma tried to stop her mind from wandering to thoughts of the future. Or lack thereof. She really did need to talk to someone because the blonde had no idea how to handle this. She had simply gone with the motions up to this point.

As she leaned back on the couch, pressing her eyes closed, she had just barely drifted off when there was a knock at the door. Somehow, just by the way it sounded, the urgency and demand of it…Emma knew. By some way she knew exactly who it was. Still she moved slowly towards the door, not trusting her body to cooperate. She leaned on the door frame and cleared her throat, testing her vocals.

"Who's there?" She said, relieved at the somewhat even tone, even if it was quieter than desired.

"It's me."

Emma wasn't surprised in the least.

"What do you need?" She tried, still not wanting to open the door. She wasn't prepared for visitors. She hadn't prepared _herself_ today.

"Open the door Emma." It was surprisingly demanding and Emma took a small step back. It was also the first time Regina had used her first name to address her. Something was off and Emma was weighing the options of letting her in.

"I'm…not decent." She tried and it was mostly true. There was a series of steps involved in getting ready these days and what with living alone and taking the day off, she had done none aside from getting dressed.

"I'm only asking as a courtesy, Emma. I will use my magic to let myself in." Her tone had Emma shaking her head. And the fact that Regina hadn't technically _asked_ her anything.

She had expected a phone call after cancelling by text this morning but not a home visit. And not in such an impatient, demanding way. She pressed her eyes closed again as her forehead rested against the frame.

"That's it, I'm coming in." Regina's voice sounded again.

Grumbling, Emma reached out and unlocked the door. She started to turn the handle but could feel it spinning on it's own. She took a step back as the brunette came into view. They both paused briefly to size up the other. Emma had been so worried about Regina seeing her current state but when she took in the other woman, those thoughts were over shadowed.

Regina looked odd herself. She looked angry but also a little nervous and slightly pale. Upset really. Her expression morphed further as she looked Emma up and down.

She had expected the girl was in bad shape if she had been willing to skip a day with them, but then this was significantly worse. She was being faced with Emma's real condition and all the mental preparation on the way here hadn't gotten her ready for this.

"Coffee?" Emma finally asked to break the silence. Due to Regina's demeanor and attitude, she knew the woman wouldn't be leaving until she was good and ready. Her own magic failing once she became sick, she could do nothing to stop Regina anyway.

Regina nodded and Emma turned slowly. She noted the way Emma kept a hand on any surface within reach. Last week it had taken the two of them several times to get her on the horse, Regina secretly adding a magic touch when she suddenly realized just how weak the blonde was becoming, but today was a different story. She now understood completely why the girl had cancelled today.

Regina approached her, staying within reaching distance should the need arise. Emma had her back turned towards the coffee pot, busying herself with the task. She didn't see Regina pull her hand out of her pocket, or the papers clenched within it.

"What do you need Regina?" Emma asked.

"You cancelled… You never have before." She said hesitantly.

"I'm just not feeling well today."

"And you're admitting that for the first time." She pointed out, still studying Emma's back intently.

"I'm fine-"

"You are not _fine _Emma. How long did you think you could keep this a secret?" Her anger was seeping through again. She didn't know what her own emotions were doing, let alone how to deal with them. There was no fight in Emma and Regina didn't know how to handle that.

"Keep what a secret?" Emma challenged weakly.

"_This_." Regina said, slamming her hand down. Emma turned to see the Mayor's hand flat on a familiar envelope. She felt her eyes moisten and willed the tears to remain at bay. She wasn't prepared for this conversation yet. Especially today without warning.

"How…how did you get that?" She asked, her discomfort very clear. Regina saw Emma's bottom lip shake slightly and calmed herself.

"It's not Fort Knox dear. I knew your secret was in that drawer and today…you canceled." She repeated that last part as if it explained and excused all her actions.

"You shouldn't be snooping where you don't belong." She turned her face away as she felt a tear escape.

Someone knew. Someone other than the doctor she couldn't stand knew. She lifted the coffee pot but her hand was shaking and some of the hot liquid splashed over. Without sensing any movement, suddenly there was a warm hand over hers. Regina closed her hand around Emma's and pushed it down until the pot was back on the counter.

"Emma…" She felt Emma's body shake while the girl did her best at controlling the emotions suddenly rolling through her hard. Regina wasn't sure how she expected this to go but felt her chest clench as Emma's tears started to flow.

"I can't…I can't tell…them." She forced the words out and not without difficulty. She felt Regina's other hand come to rest on her shoulder, leaving the first one in place. Emma couldn't understand or explain her gratitude for the gesture.

"You haven't told _anyone_?" She questioned softly but disbelievingly.

"I can't. I thought…I mean I thought you knew, but..."

"I had worked it through but…seeing it…Dr Whale's letter." She said distractingly, looking back at the envelope with the fateful document inside.

"Yeah…" Emma breathed, calming down a bit now. Whatever growing truce turned friendship they were developing was another thing unspoken between them and Emma could understand seeing the words on the page would have affected anyone. They certainly did a number on her.

"That's why you've been making so many changes… Making Ruby full time. Your father…"

"He's taking over as Sheriff soon. I just told him he was better fit for the job. He bought it after some convincing." She shrugged and Regina resisted rolling her eyes at how he would manage to not notice something was terribly off with his daughter by the request.

Regina realized suddenly just how hard that must have been for Emma. Giving away the job she fought so hard for. She pressed her eyes closed as she spoke again.

"And me and Henry… That was why you suddenly accepted that day, started pushing us together. I remember."

"Yeah well… He needs someone. I can't…I won't leave him alone." Her cheeks and eyes burned and she swallowed the lump in her throat. Regina felt her heart squeeze again.

"Why haven't you talked to your parents?" She just had to understand.

"I can't find the right time. When I thought I was ready, Mary Margaret told me she was pregnant. Then during that time she was always so…so-"

"Emotional?" Regina provided and relaxed a bit when she could see the corner of Emma's mouth twitch. She wanted to turn the blonde around but knew she probably wasn't so keen on showing her emotions so openly. Instead she stayed at Emma's side, her hands still in place.

"Yeah. Then the baby was born and you know Morgan has had her health problems. I wasn't about to tell them they have two sick kids." Emma's head ducked down as she tried to swallow the rest of her saddened emotions.

Regina just then realized her thumb had been rubbing back and forth subconsciously over Emma's shoulder. She couldn't stop though. Not when Emma's eyes fluttered and her shaking calmed.

"And now? I hear your sister is in good health these days." She asked gently.

"Henry is about to turn thirteen. He's so excited, I can't…I can't ruin that." The sadness crept right back in, making Emma's voice hitch.

It killed her every time Henry mentioned his birthday. He had been excited since turning twelve and over the last few months, Emma found herself praying nightly to make it to that day. Thoughts of it being the last for her were too overwhelming to allow. How unfair it was to only celebrate so few. She had missed so much and now…she would miss everything else. She sucked in a breath to control herself.

"I can't understand what you're going through Emma but…you have to tell them. Henry is smart he knows something is wrong. He also knows to allow you to tell him in your own time. But as far as your parents, Emma…"

"I just…I don't know how."

"After Henry's birthday. When he's on that camping trip I'll help you tell them. It would give them a few days to let it sink in." She suggested gently. This would give Emma a little time as well. There was a few moments of silence where Regina remained patiently quiet.

"…okay." She finally turned and Regina tried not to react to the hollow and darkened eyes.

"Come on." She said, lifting a gentle hand to the inside of Emma's arm, the other on her back.

"What are you doing?" She questioned but it her weakened state today, she felt herself powerless to pull away.

"You're tired. Sit. I'll make you something."

"I don't need to be taken care of." She protested as Regina led her over to the couch.

"You need to eat unless you want to feel this way again tomorrow. Just let me…let me help you…please?" She said, pausing to look at Emma. The blonde had seen this expression in varying degrees since the first day she had been lacking the strength to mount Sophie on her own. Regina had seemed only slightly surprised…like she was prepared for it. The concern was only growing and Emma could see the pleading look in her eyes.

"Okay…I guess I do need to catch up on my Family Guy." She said, resting back in her chair. Regina rolled her eyes.

"I knew it was you that introduced Henry to that." She said with a fake glare.

"Oh yeah…sorry about that." She looked down sheepishly.

"I'll let you off the hook this once Miss Swan." She gave a small smile over her shoulder as she walked back towards the kitchen, both women relieved at the break in tension. Emma tried to focus on that rare and beautiful smile instead of the thoughts of the talk she would be having with her emotional family soon.

* * *

Swan Queen

* * *

"I think my mom is still crying." Emma said, trying to hold herself up and not lean on Regina so much.

"It will get better. I think she's just not sure what she should be doing. She doesn't want you coming back here alone." She said as she got Emma's door unlocked and led the girl inside.

"I just couldn't stay there another night. With her checking on me every second and worrying about Morgan."

"I know. Trust me dear, I understand." She smiled slightly, feeling some relief when it was returned. "What would you like to eat?" She said, leading Emma to the couch.

"I appreciate you telling my parents that to get me out of there, but I'm fine. I can make my own dinner." She knew Regina had seen how badly she needed a break from her parents and truly did appreciate her convincing them to let the brunette take her back home. Promising to take care of her of course.

"Emma I would have argued that you can't long before any of this happened." She raised an eyebrow and Emma knew that that was definitely true.

"I can still handle this myself."

"How many times are we going to have this argument?" She asked quietly, kneeling down to be at eye level.

"As long as I can." She replied just as quietly, smiling sadly. Regina turned her face away. She brought a hand to Emma's frail shoulder and squeezed gently, sighing when the blonde's hand covered hers. After another moment, Regina cleared her throat and stood.

"How about some soup?" She asked, moving efficiently through the kitchen she had become familiarized with.

"How about something less healthy?" Emma asked with a smile.

"How about soup and if you can keep it down, some desert." She gave Emma a look that said the decision was already made.

"Fine. But we're finally watching Ted." Emma said with as much strength as possible. Regina groaned, making the blonde grin proudly.

"Do _not_ introduce that to Henry, he is only thirteen." The exact second the words were out, she wished she could just pull them right back in.

She was trying to stay in the lighthearted zone, especially after the emotional turmoil of the past week. She was proud of the way Emma had handled things and thought she deserved a break. Neither parent had lasted a second before breaking down and Regina had watched Emma's struggle to stay composed. To focus on comforting them and not letting her own feelings control her.

The deal was to wait until after the camping trip following Henry's birthday party to tell him the news. Well he was coming home the day after tomorrow and neither were ready. Regina looked at Emma to see the girl's head bowed and her eyes closed.

Emma didn't like talking about it but she knew this was the last age she would ever see her son. He was a teenager now and Emma found she was focusing on being grateful for making it this far. She looked over to Regina and gave her a reassuring nod. Letting the brunette know she wouldn't be breaking down this minute. Though both wondered when that moment would come.

Regina finished the soup and carried it on the tray to Emma. She placed it over her lap and retrieved her own before joining her on the couch. It had become almost a day to day routine now for lunch while Henry was at school and sometimes dinners together.

As much as Regina whined and complained about the movie, she was glad Emma picked it. Seeing the genuine joy on her face, how the smiles reached her eyes…it was well worth it. She even found herself chuckling but only in reaction to Emma's belly laughing next to her. It was something new today

Emma was more lively than she had been in awhile and Regina found herself excited the girl held all her food including her desert. It wasn't until halfway through the Simpsons episode following their movie that Regina noticed Emma's eyes fluttering and her head lolling. She had lasted longer than she had the last few weeks.

Regina collected and cleaned their dishes. She gave a quick wipe down as she always did and moved back to the living room. Emma was sleeping now and Regina took a moment to look upon her. She carefully lifted Emma's blanket up around her, gently tucking it in.

They still didn't talk about everything. As open as Emma may be at times with the brunette, as far as them, neither said a word. Instead, they both seemed to just move with the flow and didn't question it. Regina was simply doing what felt right. She didn't put words to it herself but knew her feelings were strong. Whatever they were exactly.

From the moment she had taken that letter out. Read the word _Terminal _across the results line… She knew there was something.

She lifted her hand to gently brush Emma's hair out of her face. She was slow and careful as she lifted Emma's legs and turned her to lay normally on the couch. This had become her bed recently as the stairs were proving much too exhausting. Regina re-tucked the blanket and looked down at her again. She let her fingers trail over the thin face below her and didn't think for a moment. She slowly dipped her head down and softly brushed her lips on Emma's forehead.

She felt a warmth in her own body and herself smile from it. Emma was also warm to the touch as she always was, but then Regina noticed that Emma really did look better today. The week had done a number on her but then kicking back and relaxing like this…laughing and not focusing on the pain seemed to brighten the girl up. Literally her cheeks seemed just a bit pinker. Regina was still smiling softly as she stood.

She took a few steps forward before looking back at the blonde, sleeping peacefully. She stopped there and debated with herself again. Emma was obviously having one of her better days today but then that changed easily. Regina reasoned that Henry was still away so she was just going to be heading to an empty house. Emma would also be here alone and could potentially need help. Dr Whale was coming in the morning and while Emma was mostly honest with her condition now, Regina would still prefer to hear it from the man himself.

She made her decision and locked the door. She checked on Emma one last time before grabbing a spare blanket and making herself comfortable on the other couch.

* * *

Swan Queen

* * *

"You know how annoyed you get when I say I'm fine? Well that is how I feel about you asking me if I'm sure." Emma gave Regina a pointed look, not very intimidating but the older woman understood.

"How are you doing over here?" Mary Margaret said as she approached, eyes flitting between Emma in her lawn chair and Morgan sitting up in the blonde's lap.

"She is fine and she's sure about that." Regina said and Emma gave her a nod of approval. Regina rolled her eyes but smiled, taking her seat beside the blonde.

"I am. I have like…a thousand blankets." Emma said, indicating the pile that was placed on her frail form. She just wanted to enjoy the show now and not have everyone checking on her every second. "Come on, sit down."

Mary Margaret sighed but she was smiling at her daughters. She took the seat on Emma's other side and David ran up a few minutes later. Morgan seemed happy enough in Emma's lap and the former Sheriff was grateful for a bit of time with her little sister. It was rare that they had moments like this where Emma was feeling this good and it wouldn't be wasted.

"Look there he is." Regina said happily. Emma looked where she was pointing and smiled wide, repressing the gaining moisture in her eyes as she stared proudly at her boy.

"Wow. He looks so…so…"

"I know." Regina picked up after Emma trailed off. She subtly reached over and gave Emma's hand a squeeze.

Emma glanced over at Regina before looking back as Henry rode out on his horse. The whole crowd cheered for him as he came out, head held high with a proud smile. Emma had come out to watch his lessons and rides with Regina as much as possible recently, the only way to keep him riding while experiencing his new separation anxiety. He was extremely mature but when you tell a boy his mother is dying, things change.

Even with all she had seen, Emma found herself speechless and in awe as she witnessed her son clear his first jump. She clapped along and cheered as best she could as he went. He was so graceful, a trait he was fortunate to inherit from his brunette mother. He was by far the best of the other riders and Emma didn't think that the opinion was biased at all.

Throughout the competition, Emma could feel her energy dwindling. She had been in this circuit for awhile now. She would have one or more really good days. Days that had Dr Whale shaking his head. When her energy was higher and her skin healthier. Then all of the sudden she would start falling again. Weakness and exhaustion overwhelming her. The radical changes were part of why her parents and Regina were forcing her to change her living situation now.

When she realized her body was spent for the day, she gave a small nod at her mother. Mary Margaret reached over and took Morgan out of her arms. Emma leaned back, trying to breath through the dizziness and her mother didn't miss a beat with the usual questions.

"_Are you okay?"_

"_I'm fine."_

"_Are you sure?"_

"_Yes." _

She knew there was no avoiding them with her and smiled back at the woman in added reassurance. In was a bit less than convincing with the pale complexion but to her surprise, Mary Margaret let the subject drop. She didn't see the look that was sent over her head to her mother from another, older brunette to silence her.

Regina turned her head back towards the field before Emma noticed her. The spent the rest of the time watching their son compete. He was so excited for this and Emma was too. She didn't have much of a bucket list, but in addition to Henry's last birthday, this was another item she was praying to witness.

As it was coming to an ending, Henry walking away with his trophy, the rest of the family started packing up. Emma did her best to help but the others begged her to rest and let them handle it. She was pouting and still managed to fold some of her own blankets. She was trying not to feel bad about the fact that she was no longer going back to her apartment. Somehow that change bothered her a lot.

"I'm not sure about this." Emma said as Regina came back after loading the car.

"We talked about this Emma. I know you like your independence but this is for the best. If you don't like it after a bit, you can try your parent's house." She suggested but hoped Emma would be comfortable in her home.

"It's not that. I'm just worried about Henry seeing me when I'm…well when I'm not at my best."

"Give him some credit, he can handle it. And trust me, no matter where you are, he will insist on seeing you. This way is just better for everyone, yourself included." She was right. And since they had finally convinced him that magic could not cure her, he had been extremely mature about the situation. Beyond his thirteen years.

* * *

Emma looked around her new room. As far as a guestroom goes, Regina went above in beyond. She had brought enough of Emma's things here to help her feel at home and the blonde was grateful. She was very happy Regina had brought her T.V. as well, knowing she was going to be spending a lot of time here now. She leaned back into the comfortable mattress sighing contently.

"How is it?" Regina asked from the doorway.

"Perfect. Thank you, Regina." She said with only sincerity. She tapped the edge of the bed and Regina got the hint, coming to sit next to her.

"You have nothing to thank me for."

"Oh I have everything to thank you for."

"Emma-"

"I'm serious Regina. You have done so much for me. So much I can never repay you for." She tried to keep the sadness from her tone. Regina cleared her throat, fighting with herself.

"There is no need dear. Dr Whale will be here in the morning, I'll wake you before then." She changed the subject. Regina never lost composure in front of Emma. The girl had the weight of the world on her. Regina refused to add to that burden.

"Regina, when are we ever really going to talk?" She sighed.

"We talk all the time dear." Regina averted her eyes, brushing her hands over her pants.

"You know what I mean. There's not a lot of time-"

"Emma we will talk when and _if_ we need to. There is no need to do anything now."

"Regina-"

"It's been an eventful day, you need to sleep." She stood and lifted the covers up over Emma.

"Regina-" She tried again.

"Goodnight Emma." Regina turned swiftly and left the room. As usual, she waited until she was completely out of sight of the world before letting the suppressed emotions flow.

* * *

Swan Queen

* * *

"Crap, your mom's home, turn it off!" Emma waved at Henry who grabbed the remote from the foot of the bed and flipped it back over to the Big Bang Theory.

"I heard that!" Regina yelled from the front door. "I thought I said no more Family Guy." She walked in and looked sternly at the two who ducked their heads sheepishly.

"Sorry." They mumbled in unison. Regina repressed a smirk.

"Henry, did you finish your homework?" She asked and could see the answer by the guilty expression on his face. "Go now."

"Sorry Mom. I'll be back in a bit Emma." He said before disappearing out of the room. Regina dropped her purse on the dresser and sat down on her usual spot on the edge of Emma's bed.

"I'm sorry too." Emma said as Regina settled.

"About the T.V. show or about not telling me what the doctor said." Regina looked hard at Emma who sighed and dropped her eyes.

"Regina-"

"No. Why the hell didn't you tell me?!" She leaned forward until Emma met her eyes again.

"Because I knew you would try and talk me out of my decision."

"Emma, what if this could work? How can you not want to try?" Her eyes were desperate and confused. Emma took another deep breath before responding.

"I have a list of reasons."

"Well i would love to hear them." She said seriously.

"Fine. First of all, it's a series of surgeries and the initial one is experimental in another part of the world. Dr Whale would have to figure it out and as much faith as I have in the man, I don't have a lot of hope for something this big. Second of all, Whale has never understood my condition or why I improve so much for a couple of days and then nosedive again. Third, the _possible_ success of the procedure depends on doing it on a day when I'm doing better and there is no way to predict that. Apparently that is the only way Dr Whale thinks I may be strong enough to _survive_. Third, we are adding magic to medicine which is completely unpredictable. All we've learned over the last two years is that magic _can't _cure me. Now we're adding it?"

"Whale told me that part wouldn't be about the healing the actual cancer, just extra help to handle everything-"

"I understand." Emma interrupted Regina's quick rambling. "And now my last point. Right now, I'm past my expiration date-"

"Don't say that." Regina interrupted but Emma's look silenced her. Regina's jaw clenched but she stayed quiet.

"I am past the day Whale thought I would live to. Which means we have no way of knowing how much longer I have. Do you know what he said my chances were at living through this? And like I said, it would only be if I so happened to be having one of my miraculous healthy days."

"I know he said it wasn't _good_-"

"Five percent Regina. Which is a complete guess on his part and most likely a hopeful one. This means there is a ninety-five percent chance that I will die on that cold table, alone." Her voice hitched and she stopped there.

"Emma." Regina reached out and took her hand.

"I don't wanna die." Emma said softly and Regina felt her chest tighten almost unbearably. "But I have accepted it. Now I want to last as long as I can."

"But what if you could stay with us forever?" Regina asked, her own eyes watering. She wanted to bolt now before Emma could see her pain but couldn't leave it like this.

"Regina-"

"No! Why aren't you fighting?!" She said suddenly angry. She stood and started pacing.

"Come here Regina." Emma said gently but the brunette was shaking her head.

"Why aren't you trying?! Where has all your fight gone?! Where is that infuriating woman that refused to back down?!" She was openly crying now and Emma felt herself calming as she was able to focus on Regina and not herself.

"I _am _trying and I'm fighting everyday. If I do those surgeries, I will most likely die right there and then I can't fight anymore." She tried to reason with her. Emma hadn't just brushed Whale's suggestion away. She had given it thought but knew she wanted more time.

"You can't just…_go_." Regina was still shaking her head.

"I think…I think we just need to accept that it's my time to-"

"Don't you _dare_ finish that thought." Regina spun on her, her whole face red.

"Regina…" Emma sighed.

"I can't-" Regina's voice hitched now and she tried as hard as she could to compose herself. She never had voiced her own feelings before. "I can't just…just watch you…wither away." She pressed her hands to her face but Emma could see the tears slipping down.

"Come here Regina, please." She repeated, reaching a hand out as far as she could, wishing she had the strength to walk to her. "_Please_." She pleaded now.

Regina finally moved towards her. She sat on the edge again but Emma pulled at her arm.

"Come _here_." She leaned back and pulled Regina with her. The always composed and in control Mayor just fell back into the younger woman. Emma held Regina's head against her chest, rubbing a hand over the woman's shaking back soothingly.

"_Please_ Emma." She whispered weakly. "_Please_." She kept repeating the words over and over while Emma tried to soothe her. Finally it seemed the woman had worn herself out and Emma felt her breathing even.

Despite the fact that Emma was usually the first to sleep and last to wake, she did not use the opportunity for her own nap. Instead she enjoyed the feeling of Regina's warm body on hers. The feel of her silky hair through Emma's fingers. Hearing Regina finally express herself was overwhelming. It wasn't as if Emma didn't know but hearing it…it made her think a little more.

Part of what sucked so much for her was never knowing when it was all finally going to end. Some days she was sure it was her last. She would nearly feel herself passing away but then someone would come in, Regina or Henry usually. They would talk with her. Joke with her. Maybe give her a loving kiss on the cheek and just like that, it was like just a small bit of life was breathed back into her. Though magic could not cure her, Emma always suspected the love of her family was doing something for her. It only ever helped.

She wanted to last as long as possible but then sometimes she just wished the suffering was over. Her bad days were nearly unbearable sometimes. When she couldn't even lean up in bed without someone helping her. And she could only imagine the expenses being wasted on her. From all the meds to Dr. Whale's home visits and the nurse Regina had coming to take care of her when she had to work outside the home.

Making a decision like this on a day like today, where Emma was feeling better- was able to at least move around okay was harder. Because on days like this she felt like she could make it longer. She could keep fighting for another day. Days like today, she wasn't willing to risk that.

It wasn't too long before Regina started stirring. It was only late afternoon so Emma figured she wouldn't be out for long. She was still very grateful for the time though. She could certainly get used to the feel of Regina's body. Another thought that made the decision so hard. When Regina leaned up, they made eye contact and Emma saw fresh tears immediately start escaping.

"Emma…" Her tone was pleading. Emma lifted her hands to Regina's face and wiped the salty tears away. She held her gaze for another few seconds as the brunette started shaking again. Emma couldn't take it. She took a long, deep breath.

"I have two conditions."

* * *

Swan Queen

* * *

Regina was trying to focus on the party. It was actually very touching and she was grateful. She found it amazing that Emma had managed to organize it and pull it off in her state. She hardly ever celebrated her birthday and not like this, but it was one of Emma's conditions. The easier of the two by far.

Emma insisted to celebrate Regina's birthday. She refused to do anything until after the day, knowing her odds of surviving to the day on her own were much higher this way. The brunette had been afraid to wait a whole month but then Emma seemed to keep to the usual routine of getting better and worse. Over all she had slipped a bit, her baseline decreasing. Today wasn't her best day but she was moving about the house in her wheelchair, smiling like any other there.

Emma had made sure that the day was centered around Regina and no one else. As much as the Mayor might not generally want this kind of thing, Emma had made her feel so special she couldn't mind the added attention of the other party goers. She was however, more than ready once the day was coming to an end.

Mary Margaret, David and Morgan were the last to part, hugging everyone else before they went. Regina kicked off her heels and made her way back to Emma and Henry. She could see the blonde had definitely used up her energy and was more than proud of Henry as she watched him carefully pushing Emma in her chair.

"I've got it from here Henry. Thank you." She hugged him gratefully.

"Goodnight." He moved over and hugged Emma as well, carefully, before heading up for the night.

"Will you sit outside with me?" Regina asked.

"Of course, you're the birthday girl." Emma winked. Her exhaustion was evident but she wanted every last second she could have with Regina.

Regina grabbed a few more blankets on the way out. She wrapped a few just around Emma and the pulled a bigger one around them both, wrapping an arm around the blonde and snuggling closer in the cool air.

"Did you have a good birthday?" She asked, leaning into Regina.

"The best. Really Emma, thank you."

"You're welcome." She smiled warmly, a subconscious weight lifting. She had made it to another item on her bucket list. "Is there anything else I can give you on your big day?"

"Yes." She said quietly, almost hesitantly.

"Okay, what is it?" She pulled back a little to look at Regina.

"...Kiss me." She whispered. Emma smiled softly at her.

"You got it." She leaned in and very gently pressed her lips against Regina's.

Regina lifted a warm hand to Emma's cheek, holding softly as she kissed Emma back. It wasn't long but it was tender and more sweet than any kiss either woman experienced in their lives. When they pulled back, both had smiles on their faces.

Regina pulled Emma back against her and the blonde rested her head on Regina's shoulder. The last of her weight lifted then and she sighed contently, her eyes fluttering closed.

Regina had known about certain things Emma had wanted to accomplish before she died. What she didn't know, was that she just crossed off the final item on her list.

She felt Emma lean into her more until she had left all of her weight on Regina. The brunette, rubbed her hand up and down Emma's arm, looking down at her curiously.

"Falling asleep on me already dear?" She smiled and lifted her free hand to Emma's face again. "Emma?" She questioned after getting no response. She squeezed Emma's shoulder and tilted her face up. "Emma?!" And that was when panic set in.

* * *

Dr Whale ran into the OR. He had just settled down for the night when he got the call from the hospital. They were obviously frantic themselves, which the doctor couldn't blame them for. From what he had gathered, the former evil queen had appeared in the middle of the emergency room, holding barely alive body and screaming at anyone in sight.

He could imagine what was happening and going completely against his medical opinion, he told them to bring her to the OR. He knew the odds but he also knew Regina. Having gotten to understand her will about this situation quite clearly over the past few months. Telling the woman is was too late would probably get himself killed.

"How is she?" He asked a nurse as soon as he was in the surgical wing.

"She's completely unresponsive. Doctor…" She trailed off and Whale looked at her, seeing the solemn look on her face.

"I know." He said and walked into the room.

"Doctor!" Regina yelled, tears on her face. Whale approached her calmly. He looked down at Emma, her pale skin, and then brought his eyes to Regina's.

"Regina…it's-"

"Help her!"

"Regina. You know the only chance we had was if-"

"Doctor. Whale." She enunciated slowly…dangerously. "I understand perfectly well. But I will die before I give up on her. She fought as long and as hard as she could. She agreed to this. If she can't fight any longer, than I will fight _for _her. And I'm sure you can imagine I will do _anything_."

He wanted to argue. He had exaggerated Emma's chance when she was healthier. Now, the girl was barely even alive. The moment they went in, she was almost sure to die, let alone make it long enough to proceed. Then again, taking in the powerful woman before him, he had no choice.

"She didn't want you helping. She didn't want this burden on you. Call the blue fairy."

"I know that was her condition but we don't have time to waste! Now doctor!" She demanded. Dr Whale shook his head and took a deep breath.

"Okay." He turned around and immediately busied himself. If he was going to try this, they would do absolutely everything they could. Regina leaned her tear streaked face over Emma's chalky, still one.

"Please Emma. _Please _just keep fighting. I love you, please don't leave me."

"Re-gina." It came out broken and barely audible. Emma's eye's just hardly cracking.

"Emma! Emma please-"

"Regina...it's time." She whispered

"No, please fight...please fight for me...please for me!" Her tears fell freely without notice. Dr. Whale came over, holding a mask in his hand.

"Alright Miss Swan. Deep breath." He held the mask over her face, her eyes fluttering as they landed on Regina. Even through the mask her faint smile was visible.

"Love you too." Deep breath.

* * *

Swan Queen

* * *

Regina stood in her guestroom, eyes unmoving on the clean and perfectly made bed. She finally walked a few steps forward and sat down on the edge, her old perch she would take to speak to Emma. She brushed her hand across the covers, remembering the times they would stay here for hours. She was lost in her thoughts and didn't notice a tear escaping.

"What are you doing in there?"

Regina turned to see Henry in the doorway, his concern growing at the sight of his crying mother. He stepped into the room and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Just thinking." Regina said. She stood up and wrapped an arm around the boy.

"Are you okay?" He asked. She hadn't been here in awhile and Henry wondered if something was bothering her today.

"Yes, but thank you for asking." She led them out of the room. "Are you excited for tomorrow?" She asked, wiping a hand over her face, removing the moisture.

"Eh, whatever." He tried to shrug and Regina shook her head.

"Would you stop. It's you're sixteenth birthday. You can be excited." She started smiling at him and he returned it.

"Whatever." He said again. They both glanced back at the guestroom door. Henry took a deep breath and leaned in to hug his mother. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight sweetheart." She stayed there for another moment, trying to rein in the emotions that liked taking over from time to time.

She sighed deeply before slowly ascending the steps. She took her time, making sure her cheeks were dry and her breathing calm. She walked to her room, pushed the door open and moved to her bed. She leaned over and pulled the covers back, feeling exhaustion pulling her. Just as she took a seat on the mattress, two green eyes snapped open and greeted her with a smile.

"Hey, what took you so long?" With arms that grew stronger everyday, Emma reached over and pulled Regina to her until they were flush.

"Just taking a little walk down memory lane. Counting my blessings." She said, lifting her head to place a kiss on Emma's warm, healthy skin. Emma smiled and held Regina more tightly against her. "I thought you were sleeping?" Regina said curiously.

"I can't. I'm too excited for tomorrow. Henry's gonna be so excited."

"Yeah he's still trying to pretend he's too cool for it but I can't wait to see his face." Regina smiled warmly at the thought.

"I'm really glad we picked the horse and not the car. Cause you know…I don't think I'll be ready for that until his eighteenth birthday at least."

"Oh I was thinking more his twenty-fifth." Regina said and Emma laughed.

"Okay deal."

"We really must get some sleep now darling."

"Alright. Love you." Emma dropped a kiss on Regina's forehead. Regina leaned up to look Emma in the eyes.

"I love you too." She leaned in and pressed her lips to Emma's before snuggling back in, her head laying on Emma's chest.

* * *

**I got the idea for this while listening to Crash by Sum 41. Which made me super emotional so of course i had to write it. Then i started listening to Permanent by David Cook and that made it worse. But, i do hope you enjoyed this overall. Please Review. **


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